Wednesday, April 27, 2011


There's a site called ManBabies and then there is Awkward Family Photos. My new friend and archnemesis Ally decided to take it upon herself create her own work of art using the skills of Photoshop.

She had never discovered the manbabies site until just a few days ago, despite the fact that website has been in existence since as long as I can remember. So I challenged her title of "Master of the Internet" (it's a legitimate title, it's on her business card) and called her out on the fact that she had somehow managed to live under a rock with her eyes crossed and fingers in her ears in Washington D.C. for all this time.

"So, let this be said: the gauntlet has been thrown down, but the faculty have answered, and answered with vigor." And Ally comes up with this masterpiece:

I think we may blow it up as our family portrait or at least next year's Christmas card. It's creepily adorable.

Thanks Ally!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Video Update

Sorry I haven't been able to update, I've been doing this thing called "work".

Going over my old posts, it seems that the Baby is the most ideal baby ever. She is. But when you have the perfect baby, the times when she is a pain seems to be magnified.

But let us never forget how cute she really is:

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Dear Baby

Dear Baby:

So it's been a little over year and I figured I would take the time to write you. I would have done this on your 1st birthday but you didn't get fun until you were a few weeks old. I think that's when we got to understand what kind of person you would become.

I still remember when  you got shot out of the cannon, you didn't really cry; after the initial shock, you seemed to be extremely interested in the world and your surroundings. You were such a tiny baby and you still are and I always get a whiff of nostalgia when I have to pick up all your baby dolls you have around the house. So tiny I could fit you on my forearm, I could put your misshapen head in my palm.

I still remember when we drove you home from the hospital and neither your mom or myself knew how to loosen the straps to your car seat to fit you in. Which reminds me, if you think you know how to do something because it looks easy, chances are it's not.

This past year you ended up being the role model baby. A lot of the times I was scared to write about your accomplishments because I didn't want to come off as bragging. You learned fast. You reacted fast. You're growing up too fast.

The first time you got sick, it worried every bone in my body. It wasn't because you were sick and miserable but it was because you weren't yourself. You weren't the happy baby that woke up every morning and would eat everything we put in front of her. You just slept. You were boring. I just can't believe that the first time you became ill and it was pneumonia.

I was lucky to have a job that I got to spend every day with you. Now that I have another job, it makes me appreciate our time even further. I can't wait to come home and see you waddle across the living room, raising your arms to be picked up. I know it'll only be for a few good seconds until you get distracted but I enjoy it. The nights when I come home and you're already in bed, I like to sneak in and make sure you're still breathing. There are even the nights that I want you to wake up so we can go to the guest room and sleep on the bed.

I hate being so biased but you make it so easy. You are the best baby ever.

Of course, now it's time for the terrible twos.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Backseat Driver

The Wifey and I have begun searching for a new car seat. The Baby is finally getting too big for her current setup so we've been looking over different models. And one of the comments we receive is "oh, the baby can finally see what's going on now!" Not so fast. It seems to me that a lot of parents are rushing to get their child into a front facing car seat as soon as they reach one year or even the minimum recommended weight. The Wifey and I, as parents, like to follow the American Academy of Pediatrics and their recommendation on when a child should be front facing. According to the AAP, it's two years old and the maximum height and weight before a child can facing forward.

Now for me growing up, I remember sitting on the center console of our Nissan Datsun, holding on to both seats while my mom held onto my leg. I would hope that my mother's steel death grip would save me from flying out the windshield in the event of an accident. I can also remember everyone piling into that little car and not one person wore a seat belt. Oh how times have changed.

These car seats now have fancy cup holders and air cushioned head rests that deflate and inflate during an accident. The Wifey's car doesn't even have power windows. These new fancy car seats are pretty much a throne of safety as parents chauffeur their children over town. We're keeping our eye out on some good deals but for now the Baby is going to enjoy the view of the seat.

In other news, the Baby was introduced to bubbles for the first time. And I think we all know what happens when you introduce bubbles to a baby with a dog nearby...super cuteness!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Scoldings & Braums

I never really got to know the Wifey's father. Today would mark the day he passed away six years ago, a mere few weeks after my own mother. We would have small conversations, usually about sports, but nothing that would last longer than the uncomfortable few minutes. Frankly, I was scared to death of him, just as any normal 19 year old boy who was dating his daughter. The only real interaction we have ever had was the time he pulled me into the garage and practically scolded me for doing inappropriate things with his daughter while her brother was home. In my defense, the Wifey couldn't keep her deviant little hands off of me but that time we actually weren't doing anything at all. Needless to say, I spent a lot less time at the Wifey's house after that.

But just like my own mother, I contemplate the relationship that the Baby would have had with him. I imagine them both sitting on the couch, wrapped in a robe and house slippers and watching sports. I imagine him trying to chase after the Baby or the Baby herself spending an inordinate amount of time admiring his prosthetic leg. I can see them making trips to Braum's and ordering the most decadent dessert on the menu, despite the doctor's orders and him sneaking in spoonfuls to the Baby, despite the parents' orders.

I can only imagine if his stories and memories are anywhere near as crazy and outlandish as his wife's. Or if he is just as opinionated and adamant about how we raise our child.

I think about the fact that, despite our non-existent relationship, we were very similar in terms of our personality. Both of us love the same foods. Both of us are fully aware of the negatives of said foods yet we still keep on truckin'. We're both a little quick to get angry and a little slow in forgiving. We both love sports yet we know there are things that have to be sacrificed for the sake of the family. We both have fantastic ideas, he just happened to be a little more proactive in putting those ideas into production. And lastly, we both have an insane amount of love for his daughter.

I still vividly remember the night he was admitted into the ER; it was the same night my mother passed away. It was the same hospital (I couldn't make this up even if I tried). I can still see the Wifey talking with the ER doctor, trying to figure everything out.

Doctor: Well, the state that your father came in, he should be dead.
Wifey:   So he isn't dead?
Doctor: According to these tests, there is no way he's still alive.
Wifey:   So he's alive?

And then the Wifey went to work trying to get a hold of her mom and her brother and still trying to support me as I was mourning the loss of my mom. She stayed headstrong as we went back and forth from the ER to the ICU.

As much as I would want the Wifey's father or my own mother to be here with the Baby, and I hate to be so cliche, but I guess everything happens for a reason. Maybe the Baby needed two sets of eyes to watch over her as she has now figured out how to climb everything in sight.

Whatever the case may be, at least I know how to pull her good for nothing boyfriend into the garage for a good old fashioned scolding.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Deep in the Heart of Texas...

Please correct me if I am  wrong, but I think Texas is the only place in the world where people will flock on the side of an interstate to take pictures with the state flower. I really don't see Arizonians clamoring to take their photo next to cacti. I've always thought those pictures of people in bluebonnet fields was, well, to put it bluntly, excessively white trash. For starters, it's on the side of a busy highway. The only thing worth pulling over for on a busy highway is to pee or pickup a hot hitchhiker. Of course most hot hitchhikers are prostitutes so I really don't recommend pulling over for that reason either.

I also don't enjoy watching people bring in their fancy new cameras and attempt to be artistic like they're Annie Leibovitz. I get it, you can zoom in really close with your camera, good job. So it's out there: just because you have a nice camera does not make you a photographer and that does not mean you can offer your services to all your friends. If you've mastered the art of the factory settings and modes (portrait, action, nighttime...) then good for you. But until you start dealing with f-stops and exposure and aperture, you are no better than the person with the disposable camera. But then you still have to deal with those who are knowledgeable in Photoshop.

Anyways, to be the hypocrite that I am, we decided to take the Baby to a field of bluebonnets to have her photos taken. This field wasn't next to a highway so no +1 to our white trash attributes. We also brought our friend along with her snazzy new digital camera. She's actually a real photographer and has shot the local music scene and she wanted to try out a new lens and stuff so she offered her services.

So here are the photos of the Baby in a sea of Texas pride.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Life As We Know It

Last night the Wifey and I decided to Redbox it just because it's impossible to find a baby sitter on Saturday night and it is much friendlier on the wallet and frankly we are pretty sick and tired of watching Toy Story 3. Initially we were going to watch Love & Other Drugs but due to technical difficulties we decided to on Life As We Know It.

I thought it was a good movie; entertaining and funny. It was funny to watch because I was able to see the impracticality of Hollywood movies about raising a child, most notably in a child's development. But it was really fun to watch because I could finally relate, especially in regards to the development of a one year old.

But despite being a typical Katherine Heigl movie, it did raise a lot of questions about my life and my family's. The premise of the movie is simple, the godparents (Heigl and Fergie's (not the creepy princess) husband) have to raise their best friend's child. The child's parents unexpectedly died in a car accident and leaves their child to two people who were far from ready for parenthood.

I would like to consider the Wifey and I as young, hip parents. The Wifey is pretty fluent in "internetz" speak or whatever it's called and I watch MTV every so often and I follow people on Twitter. And I think that might work against us. We obviously have never sat down and talked about our mortality or the "in the unlikely event" scenarios. The only time we have even come close to talking about it is when the Wifey jokes about my life insurance plan I have through work.

What would happen to the Baby in the unlikely event something were to happen to both the Wifey and I, who are our options? I think the most obvious choice would be the grandmother raising the Baby. She is financially stable, the Baby loves her, and she is pretty cool for a golden oldie. I don't think there would be any objection of her being the Baby's guardian.

What about my sister? She would be a good choice as well. She is somewhat young, she thinks she is cool and hip but her kids are finally grown up and she is finally happy. And she has her career going for her.

Same thing with my brother and the Baby would be able to have her cousin as a friend since they are only three months apart. But the Baby would be almost like a step child. And has anyone seen the The Good Son with Elijah Wood and Macaulay Culkin? The Baby's cousin could do some crazy stuff and everybody would blame the Baby and it'll somehow end with the Baby pushing her cousin off a cliff. Not a happy ending.

The Wifey's brother adores the Baby but he's in college, doing the college thing. I know if he had to, he would find a way to raise the Baby and he would be pretty good at it. Very clueless but he would figure it out.

Our friends are a different story. Well, at least mine anyways. The Wifey's best friend would be the best choice after family. The Baby loves her, she's smart, and she doesn't mind asking for help.

As for my friends, no comment.

I hate that this a morbid post but I guess it has to be addressed some how. Luckily, I don't plan on dying anytime soon.

Friday, April 1, 2011

PacieJ Witter

I am confident if you are a loyal reader to this blog, one thing comes to mind: the Baby is perfect and everything we try never fails. As much as I would love all that to be the truth, it really is far from it.

The Baby is really laid back, she does love to sleep through the night, and she can eat anything. But there have been the nights where we (eh, more the Wifey) will spend all night rocking the Baby back and forth until she almost calms down.

And one of the biggest things we have tried to implement but ultimately failed was the elimination of the pacifier, or the "paci". The paci has become the Baby's best friend, her relaxation tool, her security, and her most beloved treasure. It's almost as if as her pacifier was her cigarette and the Baby has just had the most stressful day. As soon as the pacifier is in her mouth, all is right the world.

Every time we go to the store we have to buy at least one extra pacifier just in case we lose one or the dog gets it. And a few days later we'll notice we have twelve different ones scattered throughout the house. And then a couple days later we can't find any. It's even gotten to the point where we start to freak out if we can't find the pacifier. We could forget diapers, snacks, and the stroller and everything would be fine. But if we don't have a pacifier, we make a beeline to Target. We've tried her to stop using it cold turkey. That did not work. But lately we've been trying to limit the usage and so far it has been successful. But ideally we would like the Baby to not even use it all, but baby steps I guess.