Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Road Rules Apply

I think it is common sense that the natural rules of the road should apply even if you're not driving. For example, when I am walking down the grocery aisle, I tend to stick to the right close enough to the shelves to allow for an adequate "passing" lane. This will give me enough time to compare the different types of Miracle Whip and seeing if one specific type would satisfy my desire in making a sandwich. Any person can then switch lanes and pass me up and move on to their next destination with little delay. But it turns out that the person on the other side of the aisle either doesn't drive on public roads or is an awful driver as their grocery cart is impeding progress for everyone else. They either tend to block the entire aisle or they are driving down the wrong side of the aisle, in either case, they would be the recipient of two sets of stink eyes (4 stink eyes). I usually like to bump their grocery cart, with the hopes their cart will spin off the aisle and slam into the shelves and knocking all the cans over, but I am end up saying "Sorry" and proceed with the stink eye.

In other news, the baby is getting bigger and more active. My biggest concern is when the baby is actually born and the dog grabs the baby in the middle of the night and buries it in the backyard. My dog lacks what most people would call a brain. I think his head is filled with skittles and tootsie roll pops. The wifey and I have been looking at gates to keep the dog away but we've come to the realization that nothing will stop Skittles Brain.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


So there is this awesome controversy brewing in the great city of Mesquite:

Now, I am going to stand behind the school and their decision just to prevent any hippie revival, but I do have to say that this kid's hair is not that long. When I first read the story with no pictures, I assumed the kid's hair was so long that other kids were swinging on his hair like Rumpelstiltskin. But no, this kid has normal college dude-bro shaggy hair. I never had long hair and when I was his age, I made fun of boys with long hair by calling them a girl. So if this kid is up to ridicule from his classmates, then more power to him. I remember one day when I went to school at his age and wore my Ninja Turtles shirt inside out, I was ridiculed. In fact, my wife still ridicules me when I wear my shirts inside out.

In other news, we had the baby's nursery furniture delivered today (thanks mom-in-law). And the baby's furniture is officially more expensive than every piece of furniture I have owned when I wasn't married, combined. Granted, I used a hand-me-down bunk bed from age 3-16, then upgraded to my sister's hand-me-down daybed from 16-18, and purchased my next bed, a futon from Wal-Mart, for my college year(s). But I don't care. Although the baby will be sleeping in a bed that's more expensive than mine, it will still be sleeping in it's own crap.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Karate Kid

Sometimes when I am at Wal-Mart, I like to walk away from my grocery cart and hope that someone tries to take off with it. My intention is to have a reason to do a flying karate kick into somebody's chest. I would chase down the thief, yell "hey", and then proceed to soar in the air with my flying karate kick. I don't know how accurate or the range of my flying karate kick but I am pretty sure it is lethal. I once kicked a wooden fence and it broke in half.

I went to the first baby class this past week. It wasn't so bad. It was funny to see the other men in the class and see the terror in their faces. Even some of the women had terror in their faces. Maybe I'm not worried because I have the utmost confidence in what the wife knows about babies. I'm pretty much an expert on everything in life but when it comes to babies; I will hand that over to her. And if the kid ends up growing up as a brat, I will not hesitate to unleash the flying karate kick.

So it begins...

My wife has continued to hound me to start a blog for quite awhile now and she suggested that if I start one, it could be her birthday gift. So I decided to call her bluff; I traded in her diamond earrings from Tiffany's for this blog. What a sucker.

Anyways, I figured every good blog should have purpose. The upcoming birth of the first mixed baby in both the Phan and Parker lineage should bring some interesting stuff. The direction is going to be my thoughts about becoming a dad for the first time as I juggle job, school, and Call of Duty, and any other random thoughts that may be of importance to me. And so it begins...