Monday, March 23, 2015

Five Years Later

Dear Monster:

Five years ago today you were the most anticipated event amongst all of your parents' friends and family. You see, out of our closest friends, you were going to be the first kid. And combine that with the fact that your mom is really pretty and I was just an overall cute baby, you were definitely going to be the talk of the town. And you were. In fact, you still are.

You don't how many times my friends will tell me how crazy or weird or cute you are. Maybe we've overexposed you on the internet. Maybe we've let everyone see that your life isn't just about perfectly posed moments but the times you do freak out at Target. Or the grocery store. Or the mall. Or in public. Or at home. I would like to say we're building up your humility when we tell you "everyone is looking at you" in hopes that would calm you down. But in these past five years, we've realized you just don't give an F.

In these past five years you have shown us that you're the most intelligent, caring, and aware kid we've ever met. You've also shown us you're the meanest, tortuous, and bitchiest kid we've ever met. You can be read a book once and remember the exact flow of the story. You can tell us where you left he most random ass object, even if the last time you touched it was 4 days ago. You're always quick to yell at us when we leave our shoes on in the house (because we got new carpet installed, not because I'm Asian) and you never hesitate to comfort your crying sister, even if you were the reason she is crying in the first place.

You are quick to mimic your mother or make a weird voice and say "oooh, look I'm Asian" like it's some sort of insult. Joke is on you, you're half Asian. You can tell when your mother is getting angry and with perfect comedic timing start yelling "HULK SMASH". I laugh every time I think about it because it's such an accurate portrayal but then I get really sad because you get that wit from me and it's only going to be so long before my aging mind can't keep up with my smart ass spawn.

Five years old still should mean you're our baby. I still carry you when your legs are tired, I still lug you around when you've fallen asleep on the couch, and I still squeeze your tooth paste onto your tooth brush. But at five years old, everyday you're just going to get much older than you were the day before. Historically your grandmother would spend your birthday with you but that didn't happen this year. So I took it off and showered you with events like jumping at the indoor trampoline park or going to see Cinderella and letting you eat all the popcorn and M&Ms your little belly could handle. But instead you opted to get a haircut, a pretty dress, and spend your birthday with your friends at daycare.

And just like five years ago today, I'm sitting around just watching the clock until I get hang out with you.

Happy 5th birthday Monster.


Thursday, March 12, 2015

The Perils of the Stomach Bug

The family has been hit with a stomach bug. At first I thought it was just food poisoning as the Wifey made other dinner plans so I was left to scavenge the freezer. The kiddos' favorite meal happens to be plain boiled pasta and since I like taste I opted for the questionable frozen Chicken Poppers from Trader Joes. A few hours later I was having repeat visits to Mr. Toilet and eventually dehydration set in and I was left to lie in bed cramping and in misery. At one point in the night I got up to get my work laptop and I opened the bedroom door and saw that my laptop was on the other side of the room. But I was so exhausted it looked like it was a mile away, like it was a never-ending hallway from Alice in Wonderland. I gave up before even leaving the room and went back to bed.

And now two days later we have the Monster barfing up a storm in the car and Pillow throwing up on everyone and the last man still standing is the Wifey. I think it's just a natural mom-thing to be immune to everything and be the caretaker. As I lied in bed paralyzed from the shitz, I could hear her still taking care of both kids as she was running on about an hour of sleep for the whole week. The only energy I could muster was a 'thank you'. She had every opportunity to say "F IT' and go sleep in the guest room but she has a heart and compassion for three sick people.

Hopefully this bug is over with soon, the Monster is having an early 5th birthday party. We'll see how it goes.