Thursday, August 5, 2010

A Modest Proposal

The Baby has survived her first medical procedure and it was a tough one to witness. Our doctor, Dr. Susan Hubbard, told us that it wasn't anything to worry about. It would be quick and relatively pain-free. So she referred us to a pediatric ophthalmologist in the area. We arrived at the doctor's office and they squirt some sort of solution into her eyes to help identify how badly clogged her tear ducts were. The doctor flashed a black light over her eyes and they lit up neon green. The Baby looked like Lady Gaga with how much neon green was encompassing her eye. So anyways, we head back to the room where they plan on puncturing the clogged tear duct. Inside the room there was a table that looked like a stretcher with heavy-duty velcro straps. The doctor straps the Baby in as if she was going to be Care-Flited somewhere. And then another nurse literally grabs the Baby's head, clamps her cheeks and mouth shut and holds her still as the doctor starts probing her eye. The Baby's face turns beet red and she is trying to scream through her toothless gums but the nurse has her iron claws wrapped her tiny head. Spit bubbles come spewing out from the Baby's lips as she is trying to scream louder and louder as the doctor inserts tubes and needles through her eye. Finally the doctor squirts water into her eye just to make sure everything was draining properly and she was finished. The whole procedure took about four minutes but it was tough to watch. But on the bright side, the Baby woke up this morning and she was able to open BOTH eyes! Hopefully her tear ducts stay open because I don't the Wifey or myself can handle another unclogging session anytime soon.

The other day at breakfast, the Wifey made a comment on the peculiarity of my blog title "Eat the Babies" and I realized she didn't know the significance of it and I am sure other people wouldn't have known either, so let me explain. "Eat the Babies" is loosely interpreted from Jonathan Swift's essay entitled "A Modest Proposal" written in 1729. During this year Ireland was faced with the severe potato famine and the country itself was dying from hunger since their staple was non-existent. Swift wrote a satirical essay detailing the copious amount of children that Ireland contained and how that could help with the famine. He suggested that the Irish look to begin devouring their children.
Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful in March, and a little before and after...  -- Jonathan Swift, "A Modest Proposal"
It was completely and absolutely absurd and sarcastic but it caused an uproar. And that was my influence in choosing the title of "Eat the Babies." I just wanted to write something so absurdly sarcastic to help paint a picture as I try to figure out this baby thing.

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