Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Designated Driver

I have come to the conclusion that babies are like drunk people. Not like the belligerent, mean drunk but the cute, funny drunk girl on her 21st birthday. All the attention is on this girl as people gather around her, usually friends and family, and give her free drinks and gifts. The occasional stranger will come by and say congratulations but the drunk girl is too busy enjoying her alcohol. Babies don't spend too much time focusing on things as their head wobbles around and there will be the random grin and cute things the baby will do. And with some drunk girls, there will be the uncontrollable amount of crying and the immense desire for sustenance. Typically its some kind of random food order that quells the upset stomach, such as three orders of french fries or maybe crackers and Pop Rocks, but that usually settles the massive amounts of sobs and sad face. And then, just like a baby, a really drunk girl usually pees on herself. And then there is always the really nice boyfriend of best friend who has to clean up the mess. Babies spitting up everywhere? It's okay, she's just a baby. Birthday girl throwing up everywhere? It's her birthday, give her a break! Most of the time it's that really drunk person who says funny and cute things and everyone laughs and that person is the life of the party. They get chauffeured around by their designated driver as they slowly lose their hand-eye coordination and motor skills. And if you don't keep any eye on them, they could end up lost or passed out in the handicap stall in the restroom of IHOP. So, the moral of the story is simple: always keep an eye on your drunk friend/baby.

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