Friday, November 14, 2014

My Struggle So Far

I get asked a lot how life is with two kids and I usually give the generic, "it's about the same" response.

And I guess for dad's who are about to get another addition to the family, it doesn't help. I want to tell you that your routines will change, you'll be needed even more than the first time, your plate becomes that much more full.

But for me, it doesn't. And maybe it's just me and my situation and it's just this point in my life and in everyone's life that makes my experience with the second child that much more difficult.

It's nothing against Pillow; I adore her and love her and she really brings a smile to my face every time she smiles back. She may cry but that brief 30 seconds where she is too tired to scream again and she just rests her head on my chest makes it all worthwhile. Or at least until she gets her 2nd, 3rd, and 4th wind.

But my struggle with this second child is the fact that I feel incredibly alone. It's a battle for attention from the Wifey and I am competing against two other people. One who is literally attached to her and the other one who has mastered the four year old tantrum.

I hang out with the Monster and we interact by taking turns playing video games or me teaching her how to punch, just in case if there are other threatening four year old boys. But as soon as the Wifey gets home, the Monster quickly makes me aware that she's bored of me.

And from that moment going forward I'm a loner. A lot of it is just me not speaking up and communicating my feelings but as soon as the Wifey gets home she's off to feeding Pillow. And then it's listening to the Monster talk about her day and everything she can think of. Then it's dinner and catching up on shows and on each other's day. That's it. She used to come home and immediately and give me a kiss and a hug but now that time is filled with kicking off her boots and fighting off the Monster. Sometimes I can manage to sneak in a kiss when she's washing the baby bottles and an affectionate hug until the Monster comes running and screaming "oooh family hug!"

It doesn't help the situation that we also are sharing our bed with everyone. The Monster won't sleep in her room and rather than put up a fight every night, we've just given up. And Pillow sleeps a little better if she's being cuddled and at this point, I am all for anything to get the Wifey a few extra minutes of sleep here and there.

I guess I just miss my wife and a sense of affection/attention. And that's why communication is even more important with more kids in the house. That's my struggle so far and I know eventually it will pass but right now all I can do is just sit on my side of the couch.

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